Trying.
Hi,
So, here i am. I really never thought i would be on an addiction forum, i mean, i belong to one for eating disorders since, well i've got problems there too. But things have gotten bad, so bad my once drug friends have stopped using, and here i am... alone.. and addicted. i'm embarrassed. and ashamed.
Everything started in September, well started again. throughout high school i did e and coke and smoked and drank. a lot. then stopped when i started college. 3 years later i got sucked back into drugs when a friend and i made up, and started hanging out again. i got deep into the club scene, quickly becoming best friends with the biggest dealer in the area. i stayed at the drug house for about a month, then i got kicked out of my house and had to couch hop, and thats when epople started to get mad at me. Oh, i'm 22. anyway. i was a preschool teacher, but i got fired after some paper work problems... because i was too focused on getting off work to get high. from sept to dec i spent about 3,000 dollars of my own money, plus i sold and usually broke even from using my profits to buy for myself. one night i managed to rail/take 17 mollies and about 6 ebombs and god only knows how much coke. i was up for 6 days.
then that friend who started everything with me became a big bitch and i stopped talking to her. and i moved away to a diff town, about 3 hours away to go to college. for the two months i was here, until this past monday, i was clean. it was ******* miserable. i got ahold of adderall, my fav high, but thats it outside of drinking. i went home on monday and scored 2 grams of coke, spending every last penny on it, and was ready to go hang out with my buddy spencer and get high. only to find out he doesnt do drugs besides pot anymore, and what did i do? do a gram by myself and get too high to do anything, and he got annoyed. i drove over the mountains ****** up the next day, with the good bye from spencer saying "next time dont be high". i got home, and the first thing i did was do a line. and another and another. then last night i think i almost overdosed, never felt like that. i was high alone. spencer was so mad at me for getting high he hung up and said if i had too much call 911. i didnt. i just waited it out. i still havent slept...
i need to stop. thats it. i need to. i thought i was cool aat first, you know, part of the crazy fun night scene. its not. its ruining my life. its finals next week and i havent done jack **** for it. i skipped all my classes last week for the first time bc i wanted to get high.
i need people to talk to who knows what i'm talking about. i cant depend on spencer or anyone else to help me through this. i'm hoping this is the place where i can find a friend.. or even an empty room where i can pretend someones listening. my life has HAS to get better. right now.
<3 Al