Originally Posted by
Theophania 
I guess I am looking for some advice, perhaps from others who have experienced something similar to me.
I have been a member of AA for 14 months now, and since walking through the doors I have managed to put the drink down and need not pick it back up. I have had so much fun in sobriety. I didn't have much trouble quitting the booze. Maybe the first few weeks were tough and since then, I have barely thought about it really. There has never been a time where I have been really close to picking up a drink.
So now to my issue.... I have lost all faith in AA. I have taken a lookj at the type of people in AA and well TBH most of them are still sick. This is not what I want from a sober life. I don't want to be around this crap. I want to leave AA, but for some reason I just can't... I don't hate the program or the people, quite the opposit, I am so grateful for what it has taught me, but I guess I just feel like I have 'outgrown' AA. It feels like a society of gossips and frauds, and I don't want to be like that.
So any advice anyone??
Hi,
I kinda reduced your post to the begining and end and cut out the middle. I'ts clear you love AA. That is awesome.
14 months and "There has never been a time where I have been really close to picking up a drink."<= your words. That is solid and the best of results. So, yeah AA works for you absolutely.
Its also clear you have been hurt by betrayal from a trusted person you admired and respected. And you're now in despair and some anger is causing you to perhaps be a bit resentful because you were pretty well sucker punched.
Do you know what projection is? When we kinda put on other persons the feelings and ideations that we ourselves are experiencing -- onto to others to wear same as we are, okay?
When we do that, we don't clearly see what they are truly feeling and thinking for themselves ie we see mostly our own projections.
A very common motivation to employ projections is harvested from justifications of our resentments and despairs, angers and fears, etc. Resentments are described as re-feelings of bad experiences -- such as when your father cheated on your mother.
These resentments can feel even stronger then the original offense when we expand on them to the point of projections -- meaning things become even worse as we re-live those re-feelings again and again.
This would explain how almost everybody is looking sick and frigged up to you and yet mostly only one important guy betrayed you. Same as your father, unfortunately. And yet almost everybody now looks bad and untrustworthy.
Still though, you really had AA working for you before all this mess.
I wonder if I have made any kind of sense for you? I would hate to see someone who is doing so well within AA fellowship and program sobriety just walk away because of a one man betrayal, you know?
I suggest you clear up any re-living of your despair with men who cheat. I also suggest you google and otherwise learn about projections. And I also suggest you find some way to enjoy another AA meeting / fellowship / program experience and event just like you had been loving for many months now
