Theophania
You've got a year+ and that's awesome. Based upon just your time, it's probably overdue to run through the steps again anyway.
It's good that you see the connection between this guy and your childhood....it's another page of your inventory that you're awake to see. That's the bad thing about waking up though, you see more and not everything feels good when we see it.
I too put my first big AA hero on a pedestal. At the time I didn't think I was.... I knew not to and was confident I wasn't doing it.....but I really was. When she let me down, it hit me hard. I reeeeally needed someone and some advice but she just wasn't available. Life, it seems, had popped up and was knocking her for a loop at the same time it was knocking me around. I didn't want to drink but I felt reeeally alone. I gave up a lot of hope in the fellowship ("lost" isn't the right word...I gave it up...I didn't "lose" it). I started thinking I'd have to go it alone....again. Ah.....that old internal voice again, "you poor guy.....it's you against the world again....poor baby."
At the time, I wasn't in an AA stronghold so most of the ppl I knew in recovery were MOTR / meeting makers make it folks......so there wasn't really anyone I knew who'd be a good source of advice. That's when steps 1 and 2 really started to mean something to me. Hell, I had been relying upon human power too much and they let me down......I'd been ignoring B of the ABCs......
That whole experience got me thinking.......
1. I better get tight with HP sooner or later so I'm not in this mess again.
2. I went back into the steps with some new resolve.
3. I also went on a mission to find the strongest AA out there in my area. I figured just having 1 person to bank on wasn't enough....I want a recovery "family." I found a new homegroup full of recovered alkies who worked the hell out of the program.
I came out of that dark time with a new sponsor, a huuuge awakening from the work through the steps, a whole lot of new knowledge, a new homegroup, and a much MUCH better relationship with God.
Once again, what seemed a "bad time" was really a gateway to a whole lot of good things - things I may not have gone looking for were it not for the tough times. The way I see it, you're in a similar conundrum. You can focus on the bad, do nothing, back out of AA and take your chances........ or you can dig deeper into the AA recovery process like I did. It sure was a good deal for me.