Leaving AA
I guess I am looking for some advice, perhaps from others who have experienced something similar to me.
I have been a member of AA for 14 months now, and since walking through the doors I have managed to put the drink down and need not pick it back up. I have had so much fun in sobriety. I didn't have much trouble quitting the booze. Maybe the first few weeks were tough and since then, I have barely thought about it really. There has never been a time where I have been really close to picking up a drink.
I have found that I am losing faith in AA though. I chose to ask an older sober male to be my sponsor. He had 30+ years of sobriety. It was wonderful, I admired him and really valued anything he said. I didn't blindly do anything he said, but I took it all on board. I am grateful that he was there in my early days. But a couple of months back, I found out he had had an affair with another woman in AA. This woman has been in and out of the fellowship for over 7 years and had numerous 'busts' all in her words due to 13th steppers...
It rocked me. I had so much respect for this man, and I just couldn't believe he was capable of somethign like that. I know and respect his wife, she is a lovely woman. I hated knowing when she didn't. He didn't know that I knew about the affair for quite some time, because another member had confided in me about it when the other woman had confided in her. I hated knowing and wished I never found out. I never gossiped about it with anyone and wouldn't dream of doing so. Anyways to cut a long story short, the woman he had an affair with told a fair few members, busted, and made a phone call informing his wife of the affair (which she denied and blamed an ex AA member who is back drinking).
His wife forgave him. He was staying away from this woman.
I got a new sponsor amongst all of this (a female). And decided that I needed to start back at the beginning of the steps, as my reaction to this situation was surprising. It triggered me back to my childhood when my father cheated on my mother and then abandoned me. I put this guy ona pedastill aqnd I know thats my fault, but it really upset me and made me sick to my stomoch. This is the only time in AA that I have wanted to drink.
So now to my issue.... I have lost all faith in AA. I have taken a lookj at the type of people in AA and well TBH most of them are still sick. This is not what I want from a sober life. I don't want to be around this crap. I want to leave AA, but for some reason I just can't... I don't hate the program or the people, quite the opposit, I am so grateful for what it has taught me, but I guess I just feel like I have 'outgrown' AA. It feels like a society of gossips and frauds, and I don't want to be like that.
So any advice anyone??