When I was in your position, and I have been several times since 2003, I did a lot of things to "help." Then I realized it's not my job to help her. It's my job to help me and my daughter and not get in her way of helping herself. Whenever I did things for her any reasonable person can and should do for themselves I was getting in her way-- it wasn't helping at all-- in fact it was hurting her.
Going to Alanon is what really helped me become a better husband. I left it to her to become, or not become, a better wife. While sometimes the don't, my wife did and has now been sober for over a year. I no longer fear coming home, and it looks pretty good for now. That said, it is one day at a time. This war never ends.
Please consider Alanon and try at least six meetings. If not for you, for your children, but not for him. He must do this himself.
My two cents.
Cyranoak