welcome chardan-
the path of most success and least suffering for all involved (which includes you) appears to be to take absolutely nothing to do with his recovery, lack of recovery, or active addiction.
the path of relief, direction, growth, and ultimately, peace, for yourself appears to be to shift your focus squarely, whole-heartedly, and humbly off of him and back onto yourself and your own recovery from the tragic, destructive and utterly baffling disease called alcoholism
it appears, without a doubt, that those who maintain long-term relationships with active alcoholics develop (or probably always were) something that we call co-dependent.
co-dependent means that we do not respect another's life choice (albe them destructive or not) and we are always meddling in business which is not own own, trying to change things into the direction that we think is best for all involved.
in our own recovery, we learn to keep our own side of the street clean and leave their side of the street alone, even it their side is a littered mess.
we have seen great results in our co-dependent recovery through individual therapy, alanon, writing/reading here, pray, meditation, journaling and generally breaking bad habits and learning new behaviors.
what you can expect from your husband when he returns from detox is he either surrendered or he didn't. either choice he made, the road ahead will be far from smooth.
should he have chosen surrender, he will require most of his energy to focus on his own life or death recovery. he will be moody, preoccupied initially, as he begins to face emotions he previously numbed. should he perservere sincerely, he will be the man you thought he could be and then maybe he will relapse and have to start afresh.
should he have chosen not to surrender, this will be obvious to you as he will still blame you for things on his side of the street. then he will begin to drink again, perhaps hiding it more fervently than before, accompanied by an increase on lying and blame-shifting.
hope that helps.
naive