Welcome janedoe82...I've been there...Hopeless is not a good place to be...There are other ways to get out of this mess besides AA...It works for me...But if you feel it's not for you that's OK...The best thing you are doing is looking for help...That's a good start...And there is a lot of it here...Try and relax and make yourself at home...Some amazing people here...And we can help you out.