Need to stop
I just found this forum today while looking into stopping drinking. I have no interest in AA as I believe over half the steps require some kind of belief in a god of sorts. I have not yet seen a dr as I have mild agoraphobia (which is only getting worse). I push off appts as much as I can for any reason. I feel completely lost. I don't know why or I how I started drinking consistanly. I used to have a couple drinks every one or two months with my husband. Then somehow by the time this past summer came along I was drinking every day (usually only one drink though) but now it has consumed me. I drink all day. Im not drunk all day, but by the time supper ends, I hit it hard(er). I don't get drunk every night, but I would have to say that 4 nights a week i'm legally intoxicated. I didn't even think I had a problem until about 2 months ago when my husband started making comments. At first I brushed them off, then I started to get real defensive, and now, I realize that this is obviously effecting more than just me. I stopped drinking for 2 days last month (not a huge accomplishment, but it was something). Those 2 days were horrific. But I was proud until my husband said he didn't even know. Displacing the blame onto him for being a butt I went to the liquor store. Now here I sit, not knowing what to do or how to do it, with an extra 30 lbs, no feeling for life, no energy, and nothing but self loathing.