Hi Tendencies.....
Sounds to me like you're missing something..... and I'm guessing it's dawning on you that "not drinking" is great but not the total solution. As I was told, very early on (before I stopped completely, actually), there's a world of difference between "not drinking" and "recovery." Interestingly, it was a probation officer who told me that too....not someone in recovery.
Romancing that old lifestyle....playing with it in your head.....ignoring the bad and focusing on what seemed to be good..... not having found a way to be happy AND sober at the same time....... All that stuff is a big "danger sign" to me.
The AA book has a part in it that, from what I can see, specifically talks about what you're experiencing. I'd heed it's warning very carefully.....
Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, “I don’t miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a better time.” As ex-problem drinkers, we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits.
He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn’t happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine
life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.
IMO, you've got "not drinking" down pretty well (a year+ since your last drink is a great accomplishment) but you're missing out on what recovery is like. Maybe what you're noticing is an indication that it's time to kick things up a notch and incorporate some new stuff into your repertoire?