thank you guys for your kind replies i feel so much better. i was the nerd in school so ive always been a loner and have grown accustomed to living that way, even before i started drowning my problems away. when I "grew into" my looks i started getting a lot of unwanted attention and continue to do so(im 32 now), so it makes me feel awkward doing what most of my friends want to do. they all want to go clubbing(i dont go clubbing,ever..ive only been to two in my life)and to bars and such which is also something i obviously cannot do now. it seems like a burden to me to make plans with people these days, I only want to be around my fiance and my family because people seem so selfish all the time,they only want to do what they want to do. I actually think this site will be very therapeutic for me as i can feel like im socializing without having to go out if that makes any sense.my fiance is in jail right now over something that was not his fault so I'm especially lonely sometimes now, even though we talk several times a day and he's on work release. i told him im on this site he is happy for me as he worries about my drinking habits