Deluding myself
I feel a strong desire to throw myself back into the pit.
Before I cleaned myself up and turned my life around I was on a slow spiral down to death.
I've been really successful in the past year after 4-5 years of heavy drinking. Sometimes every day. I've been sober for over a year now.
BUT BUT BUT..... I'm craving getting drunk and smoking and being debauched. I'm craving moving to a cheap country and living high on the hog as I indulge myself. I have an internet business and do consulting so could do it.
It's very frustrating. I feel 100% better since getting sober but I wonder how well I am in the head. Wanting those things is not healthy for me. I still have this great sense of missing out. Not getting my share of fun. I walk by the bars and see the "Happy" people and want that too. But I was never a social drunk I was a stay at home and get **** faced drunk.
My biggest issue is this longing. What do I want all these things that are bad for me? I'm seeing a psychiatrist. I guess I still have a lot more work to do.
These are my Tendencies. I named myself well that first day I signed up. little did I know.