May I say that my xah, has never made amends to me, he was going to aa and worked the steps with a sponsor, he told me about step nine and I asked him, why you have not make amends to me? his reply was he will show me that he has really changed. A year later he not only moved out but divorced me, refused to help me out or talk to me, he said I was "crazy" and even call the police to get me in trouble, I never ever called the police on him, I was devastated, I was already going to al-anon, before the divoce was final, he made amends to his oldest stepson and kept in touch with him, never made amends to our younger son who was suicidal due to his verbal and emotional abuse or me. He did relapse few months later, he then wanted me to take him back, I was right there againg "helping him" to get back on his feet but told him that I will not taking back unless he was sober for a year and show he was working his program which to me meant to make amends to me and our son.
It has been a year since that last conversation, I have been trying to move on but still wondering if he will ever make those amends to me or our son, it is a way for us to find closure and to believe we did matter to him once as family, I know that day might never come, he may never apologized to us for all his abuse, and I am working my program really hard, but every now and then the sadness comes back and I can't help but to feel sorry for myself that I loved someone so much and that person never consider to have the compassion to say to us "I am sorry".