I'm also going to chime in about the journaling. I have been working through a book on forgiveness and it was very helpful to me and helped me forgive my alcoholic father. I finally felt such a release from all that he had done and said to me and the resentment and anger I felt lifted. 2 months later, he died at the age of 62. This was in December and I didn't feel resentful or feel angry, I felt relief that he was no longer suffering from his addictions and I was able to let him go and feel no negative feelings towards him or our father/daughter relationship. I still feel good about having worked through that book and I plan on working it now with my AH. Since my dad just died and I was mourning his death, I haven't had a chance to work on my anger regarding my AH. I just started re-reading the book yesterday and will start doing the work this weekend.
The book is called, "Forgiveness is a Choice" by Robert Enright
You are not alone in how you feel. Remember, feelings are fickle and sometimes they change. Writing it out, getting to the heart of the matter may actually set you free. You may find that you want to stay married, you may find the opposite. Be patient with yourself. Life is a journey and sometimes we don't find the answers today or tomorrow, but they will come to us. Hugs to you today!