I believe there is usually a decent person that's smothered by addiction. The problem is, you can't get him sober. He might try, he might do it for you, but if he doesn't do it for himself it's going to be hard to grow as a family.
There are threads here for someone in your situation (friends and family of...) that might help you with your own expectations and how to be realistic.
My wife tried to get me sober for years. She tried to control my drinking and any other way of coping but nothing worked. I truly believed I was only hurting myself. One day I finally got just a glimpse into the pain I was causing others but for the most part I had no clue when I was in active addiction what it did to those who loved me.
There are others here who can give you better advice.
Good luck,
SPG