Originally Posted by Magichappens
It hurts his feelings that I don't trust him. It bothers him that he can't just jump into things where he left off. I am different. I have been growing and changing. I haven't waited with baited breath for him to start living again. I have become more independent. I have a life that isn't centered around "us" anymore.
If anyone had told me last year that I would feel this way, I would have thought they had lost their mind. There is a part of me that would just love to slip back to that old behavior and get all focussed on him and lose me. But I know the consequences that come with that, and I am not willing to pay that price.
Jack came home for a few days a couple of weeks ago. I felt so detached from him. I think it hurt his feelings but like you I couldn't wait for him to start living again. My life is not centered around us anymore.
During his brief stay at home something happened that he was able to help with and he was estatic! He said, "You DO need me!" I just gave him a blank stare, as I did during the entire 3 days he was there. I don't know that person and I don't trust him. And when he took off again, I continued living my life.
Like you, if anyone had told me last year, heck even just a few months ago that I would feel this way, I truly would have thought they were nuts. And yes, that old part of me still wants to believe in happily ever after and hopes he comes home and is magically all better. But that's not going to happen and I need to start preparing for a life that isn't dependent on him.
You're right, change is uncomfortable, but a bit of discomfort is much better than a life of chaos.
Thanks Magic. Once again your words have helped and touched me.
Hugs,
JG