Thank you for sharing your story, kmangel. It hit home with me, as my abf turned cold and withdrew from me after he had a terrible bicycling accident and had to be put on morphine in the hospital. He is (was?) a recovering heroin addict with 15 years clean in the program. He was completely different two months out of the hospital: selfish, grandiose, cold, and unavailable. I was shattered.
Dr. Drew calls such scenarios--a clean addict receiving needed pain medication-- "waking the beast."
Ollie, yes, you are so lost. We all do understand. It is a terrible fog we are inside, with the addict, and everything real has disappeared.
You won't want to leave him, you will hope there's a chance. He may ask you to stick by him and tell you he would do the same for you if you had his problem.
Unfortunately, Ollie, it is Addiction speaking to you and reaching for you. Asking you to enable It, so It can destroy your boyfriend.
Please remember, enabling helps the drugs kill the addicts.
It would be best if you stepped away and insisted on a period of sobriety (at the least, 6 months) before any reunion.
All best wishes to you. Your life is very important.