Originally Posted by
whatamess 
My AH has never been violent before and I don't think he will be now. He has a bad temper and at worst he slams his hand down on the table or thumps a wall but that is about it.
The only thing I would say is that I am a tiny bit scared of him when I don't know how he is going to react to something. If he gets angry he doesn't shout he just simmers, glares and starts lecturing/questioning me. But then when I am angry I yell a lot so I am no saint!
Maybe I have made him sound worse than he really is.
Go back and read posts from me over the past few years (I think if you click on my name you can go back to old posts...)
My AH was the silent, simmering, glaring, passive aggressive type along with the occassional hand slam on the table or slamming a door.
His drinking didn't increase over the past year but his violence did... lots of it subtle... His anger grew and grew and HE DID get physical. I didn't believe everyone here who warned me this would occur bc I could not imagine that my AH would become that way. Lke you, I thought I was the one who was angrier bc I yelled more than him. And I probably said too that I was making him sound worse than he was.
I wish I had a video tape with snippets of my AH's behavior as it has changed.... First, the silent anger and fist on a table IS violent and is NOT normal and it WILL turn into his anger being directed more and more overtly at you.
The more my AH's old tricks (guilt, threats etc...) didn't work to get me to let him back and the more I stuck to my boundaries and made changes that were good for me and the girls, the WORSE his anger got.
I am reading your posts and hearing myself and I know that in my case I had to experience this all myself before I'd believe it was true... I did a lot of damage to my young girls bc of this. They have seen me abused (mostly verbally, but physically too) and it's something that will take a lot of therapy and time to repair.
Your AH WILL get violent and worse. There is no doubt about that at all. It isn't a question of will he but when.