Innerchild

I ve been staying twith my bf (ex bf) after I got out of hospital. No one I get close to EVER stays in my life. Maybe emotionally to some extent but never physcially. :rotfxko My bf and I just broke up Thurs night but decided we are better off as friends. I started to feel he distanced himself from me and I felt rejected. This is someone who chased me for months and months then he finally got me he came distant. You can love someone but when you dont have much in common and have different goals in life better to part ways. But, we are still best friends we just did not work out together.

After work Fri, he asked me if I wanted to go get Sushi his treat which I found weird bc he always complains how broke he is. This was a big argument wit us bc he is really only looking for a specific job bc he feels bad having to leave any old job after a few months when he lands his dream job. I am like thats bull **** get anything you think I want to work in some convinience store I have two degress and a personal training cert and this is all I can get! Made me so mad felt like he believed he was above everyone with this tough economy you take what you can get.

So we were out to dinner and I am in a decent mood and he breaks it to me his aunt found a job for hom across the country near where she lives so she is moving in with her in less than a month. Right in the restuarant the tears are falling from my eyes I down two glasses of wine and go sit in the car sobbing hysterically. I then gran a bunch of beers with the mindset to drink away the emotional pain. Must be nice to get jobs handed to you while others struggle to find one. In the meantime he read my memoir and abandonment is the leading theme through out it and I told him if I let you in dont hurt me.

I feel so empty and alone now. Cant stop crying