Originally Posted by
Marytherboo 
I tell him I'm biding my time, seeing how the situation unfolds, not making any decisions until circumstances require it. I tell him I love him but that by itself isn't enough to build a shared life. I tell him he needs to focus on his sobriety first, that I'm happy to wait and work on myself until the next step becomes clear.
I think what you have said here is just perfect. I certainly don't think I could make any promises if I were in your situation, and he does not have the right to pressure you into saying or doing something with which you are uncomfortable.
Perhaps during the next phone call, if he begins his attempts to get some sort of promise out of you, you can remind him that you simply are not going to be able to do that and if he continues to press you on the issue that you will end the phone call?
I'm sorry that these calls are so stressful for you. I hope he will accept what you are saying for the peace and serenity of you both!
Many hugs, HG