Hey,
I'm no angel in this. I have been the cause of conflict, for whatever reason!!!!!
What we get from the replies, and thanks to chy, lulu, rowan and sherbear, is that what we wanted was some perspective. We had lost that, or forgotten about it, or not considered it, or ....!
We've thought about what you have said and agree it's not our fault, we learned that some time ago, but maybe instead of saying "Don't come back till you're clean", we should welcome her back to clean herself up, get some food, whatever but not let her "come to stay" until she knocks on the door and asks for help!
How do we deal with her coming to the door when she has nowhere to stay though?
How do we deal with her coming to the door when she wants somewhere and will tell us anything?
Sometimes I can be too overbearing, talk without thinking, maybe frighten her away!
Maybe her mother would be much better suited to dealing with this!
Sorry for all this mumbo-jumbo, but what comes into my mind comes out of my mouth sometimes! (even when posting a reply)
Cheers,
S.