I sort of agree with every one of the above posts. It's not a simple issue. I am an addict in recovery. I am ALL those things at different times and sometimes I am all those things at the same time.
I sort of feel that in the end it doesn't matter. No one can save me or fix me, it's not an outside job. If I sat here and gave you a list or outline of how I got to be where I am, it wouldn't matter.
Now that I am an addict, either I do the treatment or I don't, and maybe the treatment will work and maybe it won't.
I can stay off the drugs and booze, I can refrain from getting into any more relationships where I might mess up some innocent person's head. I can do my steps, and spend hours here, and work a full time job, but even when I do those things, I still need help. I occasionally need my family to give me a few hundred dollars to get my car fixed. I'd like someone to visit me in the psych ward when I've signed myself in.
I can't ever know if I have really done every blessed little thing I could to overcome this. I act as normal as I can act, and fulfill my responsibilities to the best of my ability. And I come home and rock in my bed terrified of myself, but refusing to use, because that is not the answer. I have learned the hard way that many things I've tried are NOT the answer, but what the answer is eludes me.
The best solution I have found is to do as little harm as possible to myself and others. That's all I got. I do the good I AM able to, and hide the rest of the time so I won't hurt anyone. Pretty much the same thing I did in child hood. Does that mean I'm a child?
It doesn't matter, I'm an adult now and it's no one's job to take care of me. If I am not capable of doing so, then I don't make it. That's reality, some people don't make it. I've made it this far, and that's pretty good. But I've still lost nearly everything I worked for in my life.
I'm not sure why I'm an addict and why I can't stop the madness in my head, but I am sure that it's ridiculous for anyone else to waste their life trying to fix me, or save me. Why should two lives be wrecked? For some people a swift kick in the pants, or a reality check will be what it takes to get them out of addiction, for some, those are the things that got them into addiction.
There are a million people and situations in this world that others cannot save or change. After reasonable care and goodwill, if we don't get better, cut us off, and put your efforts, energy and good will into yourself and the relationships that are fulfilling in your life.