Originally Posted by
Ann 
Of course you suffered trauma Kelley. We get so used to our life of darkness and insanity it begins to feel normal. We get so used to focusing all our attention on our addicted loved ones, that we don't notice how sick we are becoming ourselves.
I had to learn this too, I had to find some way to regain my balance and replace the chaos in my life with peace. I was darn close to being the one who died. When I realized how enmeshed I had become in my son's sickness, it scared the bejeepers out of me. I needed help as much as he did and I thank God that I found a meeting where others who had been where I was, could help me find my way again.
You will be okay, but don't underestimate the damage this is doing to you. You are so worth finding a better path.
Hugs
Ann
From Day 1 - you have been an inspiration to me.
When I came to this forum right after BF OD - I didnt come to seek help or knowledge for myself; because at that time I wasnt even putting "my" feelings into the mix. It was all about "him"
But I quickly learned that mostly I had to worry about "me" just for the reason you stated.
Addiction is like quicksand to the codependant, and before they know it they are in too deep, being pulled down by the worries, fears, attempts to save their loved one. And they give up all the things that once strengthened their soul like friends, family, social activities, etc... Then they dont have the ability to pull themselves out; not without help.
I dont think Ive fallen in the quicksand yet; maybe dancing around it however.
And quite possibly if BF loses the stability he has going for him right now - I could slip in. So right now Im just trying to gain strength and learn, and I know I ask a lot of questions and throw doubt on a lot of things; and may drive some people mad* but truly Im just being honest with how I feel because I dont know of another way to do it.
Thank you so much Ann.
I feel comforted by everyones tonight.