I can only share from my own experience. No matter how much I 'thought' I loved my husband and children, as a practicing alcoholic I didn't love myself so it was impossible to 'love' anyone else. Yes, as a practicing alcoholic I had BIG self esteem issues.
The only 'thing' I 'loved' was my DOC (drug of choice) which ranged from alcohol to all sorts of different kinds of drugs. I NEEDED them, to keep me 'numb' and to function on some level. If I did not have or could not get any alcohol or 'something' I would panic. I would become fearful. HP help anyone that got in between me and my booze (or drugs).
I used my first husband's cheating as the reason for filing for divorce, but it was not until I had found recovery and was doing a 4th step that I realized I had 'checked out' on him many years before, when King Alcohol became my master.
Your Ex has found a 'drinking buddy', someone who will not say a word about his drinking. You will grieve this, just as if he had died, because in a way he has, the person you fell in love with is gone.
We are here for you, and we are walking with you in spirit.
J M H O
Love and hugs,