KelleyF

So the whole situation on the forum last night with the OD episode; it was really difficult for me.

As some of you know, I walked in and found my BF unconscious from an OD just before xmas. It was a cocaine overdose, and he almost died because his heart kept stopping even after he was admitted to the hospital.

I remember being in shock at first; and then calling for help. I remember doing the things they told me to do while I listened on the phone… Mostly I remember praying to God that he didn’t die.

I’m struggling to understand, how feelings could change so drastically… could I ever stand there, look at him and contemplate that it might just be best for him and me….to just let him die?

And last night; I spoke a long time with a friend here from SR… asking what is wrong with a person that they would purposely use drugs and know they were risking their life? And I say purposely as I speak about my BF; because his DOC was cocaine, and I remembered last night how he told me that when using; he always kept Ativan, Valium, and Nitro Glycerin on hand because if you started to OD; and it didn’t take you immediately with a cardiac arrest, then probably you had time to stop the lesser problems such as seizures, or paranoid psychosis…

So today I see a post about addicts being like children, and counter argument that no they are adults who know what they are doing and even the State says so….
Addicts can’t say they are children and not responsible, but in my opinion, they are not rational adults that are capable of making reasonable decisions either. *Because who in their right mind would do what my BF did just for the high?

And the last thing I’m still struggling with is consequences…. Because everyone says an addict must suffer the consequences of their actions; and when they get low enough it is their only hope of seeking out their own recovery. So if you’re a spouse, or a parent… and you have the ability to prevent them from losing their home, their career, or keeping them out of jail…. You shouldn’t do it, because its not your place and keeps them from hitting bottom. Except I don’t think its true; not all the time. Some people get their a** saved; and maybe that is their bottom. I think it happens a lot.
My BF case again; his dad saved him numerous times…. Someone told me he is a codie and he knows it and he likes to be one….. possibly true, but if it wasn’t for him – BF would have suffered consequences that would have affected him the rest of his life; as it stands now – his life is damaged; but not destroyed. So I can’t accept that his dad was wrong in his actions.

Ok, Venting complete.