I made my big plan today. Yay. I appreciate all the pages of discussion, you guys are prolific! I have always believed that I need to live in reality and part of that is being able to be around my previous DOC without needing it or it bothering me. I did this for a long time quite easily. I was trying to work out what changed. I think 1) I had never heard of the AV concept and so was not aware of how to handle it 2) I got maybe too confident? The beast found a way in, that sneaky bugger. I used to think I needed to deal with my inner demons before I could really be fixed, but I think that is also the beast/AV talking in my ear. I like the idea of myself as a forever non drinker. I will never drink again. Its a hard sentence to type at first as my little voice (as I like to call it) whispers, wow are you sure? But the techniques I have read from you all were what I used to practice but I forgot. Thank you for reminding me and sharing the tools that have helped so many of you. In some ways it seems so simple.