Lilly,
I do blame but I try not to stay there to long b/c then I start throwing myself a pity party but the only person that ever comes is me....and no one has a good time.
At my meeting this weekend someone made the comment that our Al-Anon steps requires the three A's - Awareness, Acceptance and Action. This was a great to hear and I've had to write it down to remind myself that Action is the space I'd like to stay in as much as possible. When I'm in the blame zone, I am ususally procrastinating on doing something that I need/want to do for my own mental health but am uncomfortable with b/c it is outside of my automatic react mode.
Give it time. We're all imperfect creatures on an unknown road. That is what I am learning to accept and I like it. I don't need to be anyone other than who I am right now. Progress not Perfection...
Peace,
Petunia