Hi
I understand your reluctance about AA, I was very resistance at the beginning and went mainly so people would stop bugging me about needing to go.
If I were you I would try anything to get off the booze and start to live the life you crave.
The booze is keeping you trapped in this dark place not giving you relief at all. I think you know this and the question is what to do about digging yourself out.
The solution for me is AA and this forum. I hope you find yours soon.
CaiHong