Originally Posted by
IvanKatz 
Hey, you're going to have days like this. I know because today I've had one of the worse days I've ever had in 13-14 years? My wife said something so cold and ugly to me this morning that it physically made me sick ALL day! I even felt like I was going through W/D all day long. Seriously!
I mean, the one person I'd never expect to sink a knife deep in my back - DID!
Did I want to use today? HELL YEAH! Do I want to use right now? More than ever! I'm in so much pain right now I can barely type.
Am I going to use? Nope. Am I going to use tomorrow? Nope!
Tomorrow is another day and maybe something will give (hopefully not my will).
You see, we all have very bad days. Part of being sober is dealing with the ugly things life throws at you. Even if it kicks you in the crotch over and over.
So as I sit here as if a mule kicked me in the gut. I know I can't use to escape my present. If I did, I'd be right back to the lowest misery I've ever known.
That should go in the record books for one of the best posts. Sobriety is living life of life's terms...and you reminded me of that. I have a really flippin hard time with that. I want to numb the pain. I'm too used to taking 30mgs of **** it. That would always do the trick. That or the rum, the e, the shrooms, the benzos...well you know what I'm saying. I admire you for your courage. Let's hope I can continue on the right path.