I am understanding more and more what a toxic relationship this is for me. While I am thankful for the knowledge that his drinking (or not drinking ) has nothing to do with me (his love for or not), living with a person who does not treat me the way I deserve to be treated was/is slowly destroying me. I do not believe I am one of those people who can separate the man from the illness because the illness is so much of the man. The times that are good are becoming less frequent as his illness takes over and living with someone who is depressed, irritable, and snaps off and on is just too much for me to handle. I was really hoping I would be able to develop a level of understanding that would allow me to continue to love and want to be with this man, but at this point I just don't see that happening. I have aged so much the last couple of years and I am just to the point of being raw from all of the insanity this illness bring into a home. I now pray for the courage I need to take the steps that must be taken in order for me to break away from the craziness. Thank you all for your support and understanding.