Laurie- Yes, public school is allowed to acknowledge V day around here. Can't mention Xmas or Halloween but V day is okay. Kind of funny huh?
Willybluedog- My regret in not recording her is precisely bc of the b.s. w "grandparent rights". My state is a big screamer about that and if the horror of Josh Powell should teach us anything, I'd hope that courts/states would stop being so bleepitly bleep concerned about parents/grandparents rights and start caring about kids rights. So, your thinking about the visitation thing are right in line with mine. I'll fight tooth and nail for that to NOT happen. It's one thing to be careless with words, insult me, insult me to my kids and it's a whole other ball game when she tries to distort my 6 yr old's reality. Mind washing.
Tjp- I could have hung on a bit longer to see how D6 dealt with it but I have seen her look her father in the eye when he is lying to her or challenging her perception (ie: he yells at her and she says "don't yell at me" and he responds with "I didn't yell at you") and she already has trouble NOT doubting her reality so I opted to step in. If I hadn't already seen her questioning herself in the past bc of her father, I might have reacted differently or let it go on a bit longer, but the history of her having this experience with her father and now her grandmother made me step in.
Inpieces- My AH will never stand up to his family for me, or his kids. He is my ex- sorry for confusion. I spent 8 yrs waiting for him to stop letting his family walk all over me and I'd recommend that you accept that your bf won't do anything different than what he is currently doing and you move fwd w having him be your ex... Sorry things are so tough for you.
Beth- I grew up being told that what I saw and heard and KNEW was wrong (and I'd speak up vs my siblings who stayed silent) was right and I grew up to be an adult with NO ability to trust my perceptions, feelings, intuition. Identifying what my MIL did in that instant, I had a flood of feelings through me like I can't describe. I hate that for even an instant my daughter had that same experience as me. The difference I guess is that I had no one telling me my perception was right and my daughter has me validating her. Just tonight though (ironically since I said it seemed to be over) D6 was commenting on how much of a boy she looked like in the new photos I've hung up and that turned into a stream of consciousness talk from her (I just let her talk) about how she felt about Grammy. I certainly don't want to put ideas in her head so I said very little except to support her feelings. Much of what she said was about minor issues in the recent past with her Grammy. I suspect that she feels unsettled with the brief phone call but what my MIL did is sort of intangible for a 6 yr old to grasp. So instead of talking about the phone call, D6 was talking about other issues and things she has been upset about w regard to her Grammy lately (being cut off when they are talking-- as in my MIL only cares to hear herself talk so she interrupts D6 when they'd talk on the phone in the past). I don't know whether to dredge up the recent phone call or just let her talk about her feelings without regard for what event they are attached to... Does that make sense? I am so worried about doing something wrong and further upsetting D6.... I am just kind of sticking with telling her her feelings are fine and that I love her...
Thanks to everyone for your support. I thought I was just angry and was mostly over it but talking about it today I realized how many of my own childhood horrors this triggered and it makes me all the more determined to protect my own kids from ever being treated that way again. I expect there to be many fights about my ending contact with my girls and AH's family but if I have to get a court order keeping them away, that's what I will do. I am just kind of sick right now as I re-think this... My poor D6...