Thanks Bill for you open, honest sharing in this post.
I wanted to skip it, and I did for several long hours.
I'm the alcoholic mom, as well as the wife who left an alcoholic.
Your share, and the shares of others, while difficult - is an appreciated reminder of how we (myself and kids) are recovering today.
You mentioned DesertEyes. He has been a wonderful motivator in my recovery. He shared, sometime back, about a book that had helped him. I was excited and asked him if he thought my kids would benefit from reading that book. He patiently pointed out that what my kids choose to read is up to them. Making material available is one thing, but pushing it onto them is codependent behavior.
I'm may be mistaken, but I think the book was: It will Never Happen to Me.
I read that book and could identify each character trait in my family of origin (alcohol/drug free) and in my children (alcoholic parents). I wanted my kids to read it too. But I took the advise of DesertEyes and allowed them to discover truths in their own time.
Fastforward a year later.....My son is in community college and needs to write an essay for Psyc 101. The most popular subjects were chosen, but he came across an article based on the info in "It Will Never Happen to Me" and it discussed the dynamic of outcomes when the mother is the alcoholic vs. when the father is the alcoholic. He chose that article to write his essay.
It was eye opening for him to see himself portrayed so clearly in black and white. He was the ideal role model for a middle child male with an alcoholic mother. It was a painful week in our lives as he realized his hatred for his alcoholic step-father was not supposed to be to the singular target. His mother shared in creating the environment that produced his character defects. Yet he loved me.
Being aware, was a painful process.
I think we have worked through acceptance.
He understands that it is now up to him to take actions to prevent repeating the cycle, to protect himself in relationships and so much more.
Bill, may your recovery journey continue to bring you peace and serenity.
Thank you for your share.