Originally Posted by
EnglishGarden 
We don't have to forgive everybody and we don't have to just see them as "hurting" when they do vicious, calculated things. So keep listening to your gut.
English Garden, Thanks for your wisdom on forgiveness.
Forgiveness has been really a tough one for me, because my nature is to forgive so I can let people be who they are. This easily can turn one into a doormat, though! After extricating myself from an XABF, he kept coming back and trying to get me back saying what he did "would never happen again." I believe that people really can get better, so it can be so hard to see through the words, manipulation, and our own forgiving nature. I have tried NC unsuccessfully, then tried friendship, which was unrealistic. I find friendship with an Ex you have some issues with to be like attempting "moderation" in drinking. It's torture and doesn't work!! My gut is telling me to try to forgive what I can (without forgetting viciousness) and that no contact is probably the only solution. He ha no interest in not drinking (he is still in "moderation" mode). Sigh.