Old 02-09-2012, 06:04 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
NoWhereGirl
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: California
Posts: 60
I'm on it too, this is my second go round in fact, but I'm not ready to go off of it yet, despite all the horror stories I've heard as well and there are TONS. I got so scared a month or so ago about it that I tried to taper myself and didn't do well, in fact I failed so badly I went back to using even worse (opiates are my DOC as well, everything I could get my hands on along with coke towards the end there too).

Two weeks isn't really that long; it's barely enough for it to level out in your system and know it's working or not (I hope it is, have you noticed a difference?) at least that's my experience with it. I wouldn't start worrying about that yet, cross that bridge whyen you feel it's right in front of you, not before like I did and fall off without a life jacket! I was on it for over six months last year and doing great when I got scared and tried to stop on my own because of what I read online. This is now week one for me, again.

I guess I'm saying I can relate but don't have any real advice as to what you "should" do except perhaps be completely and totally honest with your prescribing doctor about all this, your fears, your hopes, everything- and see what they say in your situation, because when you get to the point of change I think that only you and they will know the best thing to do in the situation when the time comes. I pushed it, and I regret it and had to start all over because I was not able to do it myself, but I know that having learned the hard way. I listened to every horror story and believed it, without taking the big picture into consideration or my own situation and thought I knew best and better than my doctor. I didn't.

I went back to my doctor completely honest and they appreciated my candor so I know they have my best interest at heart based on their reaction. Whether or not I'm on this for awhile, the alternative right now is a million times worse for me so I'm willing to stick with it, not listen to the nay-sayers who aren't in my shoes, and do what is right for me and only me, not anyone else. If and when the time comes to taper, they'll help me do it the right way. Maybe that day will never come or maybe it will be right arond the corner but I trust that I will know so right now, I'm really not worrying about things that haven't happened yet. All that does is cause stress I don't need while I'm trying to recover and get back to good habits and be okay after years of bad habits and not being ok. I guess I view suboxone as a crutch, like a cast for a broken leg. When I feel mended I'll work on rehabilitating the leg, but for now I can't walk without it and I won't try to remove it myself thinking I know best, because I don't and it broke even worse than it was when I started. I'm not trained in suboxone, but the doctor I go to and whom I trust is. I don't feel they're only in it for the money like I've heard some are, and they are not telling me I'll be on it for life because that would make me suspicious for sure. I might be, I just don't know and it's too soon to tell. Depending on what you're being told by them, you can only use your best judgement there. I'm in a wait and see mode. so far, so good.

I guess my point is, which probably isn't really helpful, is that you can only do what's right for YOU based on your unique situation. Nobody but you knows what that is and while we all can give advice all day long (you will hear lots of opinions but remember that everyone has one just like... you know) I just take what I can use, dump or modify the rest and do what I feel is right for me. What's right for me or you is not going to be right for someone else, and vice versa. I say be easy on yourself and don't let the fearmongers get to you too badly like they did me, because they weren't the ones having to deal with it one way or the other. I was.

That said (hope I wasn't too preachy!) I say be nice to yourself, hang in there, try not to worry and keep reading and posting. This is a great place with lots of kind people from all experiences who have all kinds of advice so you may find what you are looking for, or not, but only you will know. I guess I think if you aren't sure, maybe it's not the right time, is all. That's just how it is for me based on my experience now.
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