Thanks for all the comments. I decided to write myself a letter to keep with me. every time i read it, i have to sign it.. accountability. I thought I would share it w/ you and see what you all thought.
To Me,
I'm writing this down so I will always have it with me,
#1. You are a good person with a big heart, don't let people rell you different.
#2 While he may not show it as much as you like **** really does love you. He hurts inside at the stupid **** you do so don't do stupid ****. Remember that every time he gets angry at you its because he loves you and doesn't know how to fix you.
#3. *** is so smart, if ** acts like your mom is because you act like a child. Your best as a mom is way below parr and you HAVE to do better EVERY DAY. *** loves you. *** CAN'T fix you. Stop trying to make *** be like you and make yourself be more like ***. *** is amazing. Pull *** in instead of pushing *** away. They pushed you away once. Don't do it to ** figure out who *** is, KNOW who ***is. YOu will be a better mom I promise.
If everything is going to be okay again it has to start with YOU. Moving isn't going to change YOU. If you can't talk to people about what your doing, ITS WRONG. Having RCMD is not an excuse. If you need help, GO GET IT Your world will only change if you change your perception of it.
You get one shot at this. Today is the day. Don't be sad, be strong. ** knows you CAN do it. *** can't do it for you. Don't fall because you think *** is not there. Open your eyes and realize *** picks you up EVERY day. This is about fixing YOU but its not always ALL about you. There are other people who are broken. Fix what is your fault. Remember love is unconditional and knows no boundries.
Don't be afraid!!
-Love Me.