Suffocating, I think that is excellent advice, what you usually here with my kids on the phone with grammy
"Hi grammy, love you, yes I'm fine, I'm doing, but-but-but, ok love you to" the only way to past this is to ram past it and then she is the victim.
With my dad, it is more complicated, my sister went to some new age church a few years ago and had all these "repressed memories" about severe beatings and draconian conditions, which is total crap because she was daddy's princess and got damn near everything she wanted from him, he never laid a finger on her ever. She cut off contact with him for almost a year, he got shingles, got so sick and so depressed I thought it was going to kill him.
If I cut them off I am afraid he would have a complete breakdown. I have made my position about mom clear to him, and told him she needs to treat the kids better, and he talks to her, and it gets a little better for a little while and back down the tracks we go.
So I grumble alot, I come here, I go to therapy, I do the ACOA step workbook, and keep hoping that I will learn better coping skills.
Thank you again, I appreciate the kind words and insight,
Big hugs to you.