Welcome to SR, Thelma. It's important to know (and I say this to myself as well) that anger (and other emotions) serves a purpose in our lives. Anger is one way signal that our boundaries have been overstepped/ignored/trampled; that there's something going on that we don't like, or find hurtful, scary, or just unacceptable - on some level. IMHO, it's incredibly hard to let go of the anger when the situation continues unchanged.
It's possible that in some situations, *we* could change our outlook, which would then improve or change our perception of the situation. However, there are situations were we should not ignore our anger or where we should not adapt our perception to accept the situation. Abuse is one of those.
When I first started dating now-XAH, I'd get angry when he blew me off to drink with his team mates or friends; I'd get angry when he told me I lived too far away so therefore he was NOT going to pick me up for our date like he said he was - or ANY date for that matter. Not too extreme on the face of it. I'd make a slight adjustment: it's no big that he goes out drinking so much, he's a 20-something guy, of COURSE he's gonna drink. or Well, OK, yeah, I do live 20 minutes from town; it's too far for him to drive, so I can drive in to see him. (It took a long time for me to see the problem with that last one...)
The first sentence of that paragraph: I'd get angry when... OK, maybe if those had been the only little bits of anger that I ignored with XAH, it would have been OK. They were little concessions. Tiny. The next ones were just as small. And the next. For each one, I'd have a spark of anger, and then I'd reason it away. And those reasons always reduced the ... minimum level of respect and consideration I expected from a partner. Does that make sense? An alternate way to put it, those reasons always made it so I'd accept behavior from XAH that was just a little worse that what I'd thought acceptable before.
So a long convoluted way of saying, I found it helpful to take a look at where the anger was coming from.
Wishing you strength and peace.