Just went to Lunch by myself. Drove by the Liquor Store where I used to ALWAYS stop. I ran through various scenarios with my Beast wanting to drink. The thoughts crossed my mind that maybe I could drink tomorrow because my boss will be out of town. If I could hold out, maybe Saturday I could drink, because I would have done ‘really good’ to hold out till then.
Then I thought about the commitment I have made to NEVER drink! Wow, that is almost inconceivable! My Addictive Voice / Beast is working very hard to convince me it is ‘ME’ that is struggling. Then…I played with the concept of telling my Beast, NEVER. That really shook things up. I realize I am having a very difficult time getting it into my head that ‘I’ do not want to drink, for all of the reasons when I signed up for my Big Plan Commitment. My Beast / Addictive Voice is doing all it can to keep ‘ME’ drinking. Maybe I can continue to drink controllably and keep it hidden, under wraps, so that I can still get my much needed high.
:rotfxko
At day 3, it is a continual process to keep re-focusing that ‘I’ want to be completely sober for reasons I have thought through and made a commitment to, and it is the f*c&i#g Beast / Flesh / Addictive Voice that is wanting, demanding, screaming, panicking to get ‘ME’ to drink.
Any feedback will be greatly appreciated.
