heh thanks for the replies!
I realized in reading these that I actually DO a lot of day to day contact with others in the Program. And honest sharing at meeting has not been much of an issue. Rather , its more about the specifics- that instance of once again being confronted by my son's Injury -his quick explosion of feelings which accelerate, become overblown and trigger all sorts of outlandish false memories and then, after he storms away I hurt . Often it is "simply" the 11th step. But there are days when i am overwhelmed by the sheer fatigue of my emotions.
I am beginning to wonder if there is a common thread between this situation and that of my relapsed sponsors. Both cases involve some level of loss-of-what-was and yet there is still the Fact that all these ppl are alive . I mean, my father died unexpectedly 5 yrs back and my brother was murdered 3 years ago- those were 'finite', if you will. And thus, after a time, those memories were compartmentalized and they were safe as "accepted"...
And a quick note to Robby. re sponsor. I finally asked a guy at a meeting last week to sponsor me around the grief stuff as well as some other issues. I went without a sponsor for several years - partly because in my rural community very few have as much clean time as i do and the two that have more than me wanted me as their sponsor... go figure. And partly because i have been waiting on the 'resonance'. And that arrogance thingy for sure LOL!
Anyway- what i think is valuable here is to find someone i can tell my whole unvarnished story to- i have always felt that there is an appropriate level of sharing in the rooms that has to be maintained . And then there is the deeper level that allows me , as sponsor or sponsee, to divulge another layer of the onion. And then that gives us the background to be appropriate in our experience , strength and hope.
thanks again for the replies-