Thanks
Thank you for replies. Part if me was hoping someone could tell me exactly what to say so she would have her own "ah-ha moment" and want to change. Intellectually I know I can't change her thoughts about this, but I keep hoping she will change. So, to try and explain myself one last time I sent my mum a very carefully worded and unemotional email a couple of days ago about what i think is happening and how it is affecting me and our relationship. It predictably got a response that it's none of my business and that it doesn't affect me. I tried to let her know that it actually does, but the exchange ended up degenerating and she still hasn't accepted that I'm even allowed to have any emotional response to about this situation, or that it could be affecting me or the relationship with her at all. She doesnt accept that I need to withdraw from my brothers issues, and lectured me about my self-centeredness.
I guess I don't know how to withdraw or make my boundaries be respected. I miss what I want her to be, but know being around her at the moment isn't healthy. I'm crying a lot and much more stressed than I should be half way through pregnancy.
I am going to look into counseling, although I really need to look hard at finances to see if it is possible right now. I am not sure alanon or naranon are going to be right for me as I'm a pretty firm atheist.
Feeling tired and sad about any outcome I can see at this point.