For me after a period of 2 or 3 months of sobriety I will have those inevitable cravings for a drink. I tell myself that I can control it. And maybe I just have that one drink the first time, and put the bottle down, but I start to obsess every day about another drink right after. When is it time for another, how much can I allow myself this evening, and not return to heavy drinking. The continuous obsessing involved around attempting moderation is no joy in itself. Then the next thing I know, after maybe a week or two I'm drinking heavily again. It always happens.
The reality is I've never been interested in just that one drink. I want to get flat out drunk whether I lie to myself or not. I'm an alcoholic. That's what I do. And Eliasson, I don't believe that drink is going to lead you anywhere different then it does for me. If you could handle it, you wouldn't desperately want it so bad. You would be indifferent to whether you had that drink or not. This is our cross to bear, and we might as well accept it.