'I've made it several times to 2 or 3 months of sobriety, and frankly those have been the best and most hopeful times of my adult life. I would feel as if anything was possible when I wasn't shackled to the bottle.'
It is amazing how incredible it feels to be 2-3 months sober. You seem to have doubts about reaching that again, even having done it a few times already.
I may be seeing something you're not saying, but why would you have doubt about stopping as you have done before and instead of drinking this time at the 3 month point simply keep it going indefinately?
Was anything different in those earlier times than now?