Jack Russell Girl- you're right about the apple/tree thing... MIL wasn't the harsh mean one of his parents. She was the one who convinced he and his siblings that they a) couldn't function on their own with her oversight and b) once they left the coop if they weren't equally enabled by their spouse, that spouse was a horrible, evil, unloving person.
So, AH was totally disabled and not taught anything about how to function on his own and why that is healthy. He is so utterly enmeshed in his mothers life and vice versa and of course neither of them see it at all.
The fact that as a mother, she emails her grown son (to his credit he did show me these emails over the years but then never really confronted mommy about them) and asks "how is WTBH treating you? I worry about you" or "I suspect WTBH is trying to come between you and your born to family and I want you to know we would never harm you but I worry about how WTBH treats you"...
Does any sane parent send that to her grown son? I tried for years to point out that that stuff not only shows she has no respect for ME, but also no respect for HIM or his ability to make choices on his own (ie: marrying me, having a family together etc...)
So, that ought to give a teeny glimpse into the toxicity level of AH's family...
I feel bad for the bunch of them. They are living in an emotional prison of hell that they are afraid to leave. They'd rather stay with the misery they know than take any risk at all.
I ought to send them a copy of Scaredy Squirrel (my avatar photo is the character from an awesome kids book about trying new things even when you are terrified).