Hello K3lli,
Glad you are here and thank you for sharing, yes the drinking is bad, both of you have made mistakes, but I am more worried about the abuse, I grew up in a physically and verbally abusive home and I married a physically (infrequent) and verbally (constant) abusive woman.
You self-esteem is shot, you are living in fear, you got away and you came back (I did that too).
You need help, I was placed on anti-depressants (prozac initially) and theraby to help rebuild my self-esteem and deal with my other issues, it took awhile but I finally saw ME emerge from the rubble that was my childhood and marriage, I understood why I was promiscuous (I stopped counting at 60 partners) I understood why I turned to alcohol and drugs and sex for comfort.
You can find your way out of these destructive patterns, you can get sober, and get a way from an abuser who claims to love you.
If you want to talk I will be here, I will listen to you vent if you do not want any input, if you need a hug or a shoulder to cry on I will be here for that also, if you need someone to tell you that you are a good, loving decent, beautiful human being who deserves better, then I will tell you that every day if you want to hear it.
Big hugs and best of luck to you,
Bill