Should've listened to my therapist
Talked in therapy tonight about how anxious I am this week due to family issues (my brother is a severe alcoholic/drug addict and bipolar) and is on a rampage rt now. He's been blowing up my phone every night (I haven't answered) but it doesn't help my sleeping issue because I just worry worry worry that everyday will be the last day he lives. So anyway, my therapist said if he calls me again tonight, not only ignore his call but DO NOT listen to his voicemail. And my typical addict behavior couldn't let me NOT listen to it. He sounds like he's had 17 xanax and 3 bottles of booze, saying nobody in the family will help him. Help him what? I don't know. But I am not going to call him back. I already had a few anxiety attacks today and can't bear it. Why didn't I listen? I will say that when I was drinking I never called anyone and had a pity party...I hid all my deepest sadness and anger and wore a mask so bright nobody could see thru. Perhaps that makes me more effed up than my brother but at least I didn't worry the crap out of everyone. So yeh...I don't really know what I am asking for with this post except I discussed in therapy tonight that I really missed the numb feeling alcohol supplied in times like these. Feeling frigging sucks.