So I have gone months feeling really good, not being phased by AH or his family for the most part and not reacting etc...
For the past week I feel like I am on a spiral downward and today am really, really struggling.
I have talked to my sponsor but it isn't helping.
I attempted to talk to xAH about his mother's rude email to me. And I was told that she has every right to express how she feels and he supports her and blah blah blah.
Right now I can't find a way (and really want to) to let go of the following:
- All I wanted during our marriage was for him to respect our marriage enough to not allow his family to be horrible to me and he never, ever said a peep to them. They were allowed to do and say anything and my options were a) ignore it or b) react and then have them and AH all over me.
- To be allowed to express how I felt and have it not be fodder for verbal abuse from AH. I could NEVER express hurt without it turning into AH being awful to me, telling me I had no right to feel as I did etc...
So, to have once again his mother being nasty to me and to hear AH say all the things in support of her out of line behavior that I JUST ONCE wanted to hear from him about my legit hurt during our marriage is just kind of eating away at me.
It just hurts. I wish it didn't. I wish I had said nothing to him bc it hurts a million times more now.
I don't know what I am looking for but I needed to get it out bc I am struggling to not burst into tears at work right now.
I know it was insane of me to interact with him about it. I know.
