NoWhereGirl

Thanks and no worries hon *hugs* You're doing great! Hang in there. I know what that's like having been there before, many times. I'm trying something different this time though, with you guys as support, my husband monitoring me, and taking it slow by tapering (both the suboxone and pills). I did okay last night and so far this morning but I know it's ONLY b/c I'm taking small amounts to maintain. I know it's not an optimal solution, but I absolutely cannot take any more time off work, having used all my time all over the past few months for this reason. I can't risk my job while hubby is still on disability. (But last night he told me he plans to finish his online classes for his degree, so that gives me incentive to do what I need to as well.)

Good news and scary news: my sub doctor just called and has me scheduled for an appt tomorrow afternoon *gulp* for a follow-up to discuss my progress and join their women's group (my first one, eek). I got off schedule after when my grandmother died last month and have to get back on. I told them it's been rough so hopefully they won't lecture me too badly because this is NOT easy (as you all know, especially when your envirionment plays such a huge part; something I can't do anything about except try to stay strong and separate from it as much as possible) but I figure that's why I'm going, I still need help. They have to know how it goes- they deal with addicts all the time. That's what they do. At least I'm coming back right? I've always gone voluntarily after my husband asked me to and they know this.

Maybe the women's group will give me support in a way I haven't had yet, and the added incentive to not take anything today or tomorrow knowing I'll be tested. Hopefully I can do it. I'm sure what I did earlier this week will show up so I'll have to suck it up and explain that I fell off the wagon big time last month and because of my stupidity, the lower dose of sub they put me on to taper off that wasn't enough to keep me from getting sick. I ran out and had to supplement with pills to function and get myself to work the past two weeks. They can't refill without seeing me, and we'd been playing phone tag for over a week until today so thank goodness they finally called.

So, wish me luck? I'm nervous about going in admitting defeat as well as going to a group for the first time. I just hope they do realize I *am* trying or I woudn't be going but I have to do what I can; I don't have a lot of other options right now. I was doing so well when I first started the program last year but this past few months, December especially, got the best of me. I got off track and feel like now I'm not the one they thought would make it, but just another disappointment for them :rotfxko) *sigh*