Hi jsa88! I think it's very helpful to let it all out - that's one of the reasons we're here, to listen and give you chance to express how you're feeling.
I agree with the others - I think professional help would be a huge plus, and I don't feel you'd be out of place in NA. At least try it & see how you feel. Try not to get too far ahead of yourself - tiny baby steps at this point. You can't resolve everything at once. Stay focused on your own recovery. You can do this - we're here to support you and help however we can.
