Well I needed to read these posts today what a great reminder and reality check. Broke it off with my RExAB 3 weeks ago....have not seen him and don't want to. However I have spoken to him twice on the phone, once was brief and he did all the quacking about how much progress he's made ( this was only after 2 weeks mind you) and the second time was a few days ago. I've come down with streap throat and being sick tends to trigger my depression and anxiety.. So when he called I answered. The universe was kind enough to have him be an A-hole to remind me why I need no contact.
This is someone who started AA almost 7 months ago with one known relapse. The only reason I know of this relapse is that I went to get cough syrup out of my fridge and it was all watered down (we never lived together although he wanted to and I said hell no. Thank god). I, not sure if he even told his sponsor about the relapse as he kept his secret from me for 3 weeks and would have kept it forever if my HP didn't let me discover what was going on.
My point here is that he is NO DIFFERENT without alcohol, Rx pills, excessive eating, excessive caffeine, excessive sleeping....except I don't get slurred phone calls or blackout crazy discussions. What I did get and what u will get if I have contact with him is the lies, manipulation, QUACKING, empty promises, victim talk, bouts of him biting and snapping with words when his tactics are working the way he wants them too.
We don't want to believe we gave our hearts to a mean, sick, hurtful person but we did. They put their charming manipulative skills to work in the beginning to get what they want (a new Codie enabler) and then they stop their acting and we see who lies behind the mask. Since we don't want to believe what we are seeing/experiencing as it is too painful we Codie's come up will all sorts I'd excuses for them, self blame, denial, things like "well everyone has issues who am I to judge?' that one was my personal favorite that I told my self and others.
As Oprah says "believe people when they SHOW you who they are the first time."
Let's all say to ourselves the following " I deserve a life filled with joy peace love and abundance and I trust life to provide me with this great life"
XO