Being Lied To, Used and Manipulated
Over the past day or so, it's really dawned on me how my ex AGF lied to my face, used and manipulated me.
It's also dawned on me it's my own fault.
When I took her back last month, she sold me on the fact she's working her program and working on becoming a better person. But what I forgot was not only was I dealing with an addict in the early stages of recovery, but a very sick woman with BPD. In retrospect, she was going to say whatever she didn't to say to get me back.
I knew better. And I took her back anyways because I believed that if I could go into recovery and change my behavior, so could she. As it turns out, she never has to change anything she does because, in her mind, she's always right.
It's a hard, hard lesson to absorb. And yet, somehow, when I go to bed and pray, I ask God to protect her. I somehow put aside my anger and ask God to protect her. I'm allowing myself to be angry, but I'm working like mad on not feeding it anymore.
One of my buddies is staying with me this week. He called her evil last night. I don't think she's evil. She's simply very, very sick, and when she's this sick, she doesn't give a darn about how her actions affect people, and that's because she's not capable.
Still, being lied to for months and being used is an awful feeling.