Aaannnd, just like my own mom, here she is today, back to showing up here unexpectedly during the day (as I mentioned, she is the manager of the building here, so sometimes she brings up packages that we've received, and visits with my son) and behaving in a way that I consider somewhat odd and...uh...it rhymes with "itchy".
After how helpful she had been on Sunday, when my husband had finally blown a gasket due to the stressors in his life that are pushing at his own triggers (it sucked; he was yelling so much, and in front of the baby, I had to tell him to leave), I expected some sort of camaraderie from her today, as we had really talked on a genuine level. But when she showed up here a few hours ago, she seemed very distanced, and it seemed like she was ignoring me if I would start to speak.
Now things are sorted out between my husband and I, and will hopefully remain that way for a while, as we've made some changes that should help him to cope with his stress, and here is my MIL seeming to retreat back behind her thinly veiled "vibe" of nastiness.
I told her I have to work tonight, and she then went on to tell my grandson, as she was leaving, "it's okay, I'll be back. Maybe I'll be back tonight!" She even said "oh, you're working tonight?" before she said this. My brother in-law's marriage is in a miserable state, and he's actually staying with her right now, so we're all in the same building. What better time to come over to my home to visit my family than when I'm not here?
I didn't react to any of her behavior today, as it often takes a while before I realize what's going on (she is unpredictable and subtle with this stuff, so even my "spidey senses" as someone called them, aren't always quick enough to pick up on her annoying little behaviors).
So, as I predicted, and like my mom, the positive and helpful behavior just can't be depended on or looked at for consistency...and also like my own mother, it can often come back to bite me, as she almost seems to enjoy acting like we're friends and then being a (insert negative word here).
I don't know how to NOT react to her behavior without simultaneously encouraging it somehow, like it's okay for her to behave that way, since I'm not sending any of the behavior back her way, but I'm determined to try.
Also, the bizarre thing is that, as a raging codependent who clearly has her own control issues, she is actually genuinely very helpful sometimes, when she is *really* needed. But then it seems to go back to her default, and I don't really know what to do with that. We moved closer to her, in part, because we wanted help from family who wasn't as crazy as my mom...
And work. Tonight. I really dislike my job.
Of every job I've ever had in any social service place, working with homeless women is the worst for my triggers. The clients test and push my boundaries at *every* turn, and as I'm supposed to be the person who is level-headed and in-charge, I can only fume silently in my own head when I've been triggered, and then come home feeling p*ssed off.
Don't get me wrong, I have compassion...but it's not the job for me, due to how manipulative and easily triggered the women themselves can be.
That's another thread in itself, but thankfully I don't work very often.
I am so tired of reacting to people though...I give up. Probably the best thing I could ever do.
